


00:00 (Zero O'Clock)

by dontbecruelx



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And he'll do it any way he can, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Blanca is a bit lost, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Yut-Lung, Bottom Okumura Eiji, But Blanca Will Be There Soon, Depression, Drug Use, Eiji just wants to forget, Eventual Happy Ending, Frottage, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Moving On, Multi, Nipple Piercings, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Song: Zero O’Clock (BTS), Switch Okumura Eiji, Tattoos, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Blanca, Top Max Lobo, Top Sing Soo-Ling, art included, sing is the good guy, yut-lung misbehaves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecruelx/pseuds/dontbecruelx
Summary: Eiji’s home country had never seemed so dull.The moon had never seemed so far away.Yet the night never ended.Eiji stayed up every night, wondering, waiting. Thinking of everything he could have done differently. Thinking of anything, any way that he could have kept him by his side.Sing was there though, and somehow, somehow, that made things just a little bit easier.He’d smile a smile Eiji knew was fake.Since he’d returned home, he’d been doing anything and everything to forget. Just to make it go away. But oh, the nights were so long.They never seemed to end.Eiji dreaded when the sun would set behind the clouds.When memories of him swam through his mind. Like a bananafish.You just keep your eyes open for any bananafish.This is a perfect day for bananafish.
Relationships: Blanca/Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling/Okumura Eiji, Blanca/Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung & Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung/Okumura Eiji, Max Lobo & Okumura Eiji, Max Lobo/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling, Okumura Eiji/Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 23
Kudos: 26





	1. Intro : Why, why, when I’ve run hard

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a drabble but thanks to an amazing artist who would rather remain anonymous, I couldn't help but continue it! 
> 
> Intro : Eiji Okumura


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How are you not?

Eiji’s home country had never seemed so dull. 

The moon had never seemed so far away.

Yet the night never ended. 

Eiji stayed up every night, wondering, waiting. Thinking of everything he could have done differently. Thinking of anything, any way that he could have kept him by his side. 

Sing was there though, and somehow, somehow, that made things just a little bit easier. 

He’d smile a smile Eiji knew was fake. Got him everything he needed. He never even had to ask. But everything was still so dark. He was still so alone. Max was coming soon. He was trying to hold out until then. Blanca said he would be there by nightfall. It made his stomach churn. As though they were only coming out of pity. Like they were trying to stop this broken boy from falling any further. But it was already too late. Sing had gone out for the day, and it was already getting dark. 

He didn’t know when he’d be home, but he knew he didn’t have much time. Since he’d returned home, he’d been doing anything and everything to forget. Just to make it go away. But oh, the nights were so long. 

They never seemed to end. 

Eiji dreaded when the sun would set behind the clouds. 

When memories of him swam through his mind. Like a bananafish. 

You just keep your eyes open for any bananafish. 

This is a perfect day for bananafish. 

He thought over the words of the story while he rolled up a bank note and licked his credit card clean. 

“Why did I even read that…” 

Then he looked down at the book where his white lines sat. “Nine stories.” 

“Why did I buy that…”

But he forgot when he took the lines with ease. It burned in the best way possible. And soon, he was smoking cigarettes, looking out on the city, his mind buzzing with thoughts of the future and what he would do and where he would go and Sing was cute, wasn’t he? And Blanca was… Hm. 

He pulled out his phone and shot the same text to both of them. 

What are you doing tonight? 

He threw his cigarette out of the window. 

“Whoever replies first wins.” He grinned. 

He was gone. 

The person Ash knew and loved was long gone. He was dead. And Eiji was happy about that. Because that meant he could forget. He could grow out his hair. He could get tattoos. He even got his nipples pierced. Because nothing mattered anymore. 

He eyed the book once more. Two lines still sitting neatly on it. 

May as well. 

The first one never did much anyway. 

He took the line and tipped his head back, feeling it trickle down his throat. It tasted disgusting. But then again, he was disgusting too. So he smiled. 

**PING**

Are you alright? I just landed. 

It was Blanca. And he smiled. 

Yes. Come over. 

**PING**

I’ll be there soon. 

He knew he’d regret it. But he also knew Blanca wouldn’t scold him. Wouldn’t make him change his ways. Wouldn’t do anything to make him remember, because he wanted to forget as well. Because he put blame on himself, too. Maybe he’d even have a line or two with him. 

I hope not… This cost me a fortune… And it needs to last… 

Last for the longest night he’d had since the day he’d left America. 

He jumped up and wiped his nose when he heard a knock on the door. 

He looked down at himself, dressed in nothing but black leggings and an oversized tank top, exposing his slender body and protruding ribcage. His piercings poignant through his shirt. 

He answered the door with a bright smile and a “Hello,” tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “It’s been a while.” He said. 

Blanca smiled weakly. “You’re high.” 

And Eiji just smiled. “How are you not?” 

“Hm.” Blanca reached out a hand and twisted a strand of Eiji’s hair around his fingers. “It’s gotten long.” 


	3. Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the first chapter since I'd already posted the first as a drabble. 
> 
> This is the start of a story I can't wait to share with you. 
> 
> It'll hurt. But it'll be a good ride.

Returning home was hard. Returning home alone was even worse. Eiji spent his first few months locked up in an apartment that Shunichi had convinced his parents to let him rent. He understood. Knew that he needed to be alone. And of course, angel Eiji would never do anything bad, would he? He didn’t leave. Didn’t see anyone. Just let himself rot for a while. He had to. He had to let himself feel it all. He felt it. Ripping through his heart. Taking him apart. Right down to his soul. He wanted to give up. He did give up. He wondered what would happen if he died, too. He wondered what would happen if he wasn’t there anymore and he could finally sleep forever and ever and he would be at peace? Wouldn’t he? 

It didn’t take him long when he got home to find some people to help him, though. People on the street that gave him what he needed when he’d meander the streets at night, in nothing but a loose crop top and black leggings. He didn’t care if it was cold. The cold made him numb. He never realised it would be so easy to find drugs there. And he’d never used them before. Not since… Not since he was drugged against his will. He told himself he’d never touch them again. But nothing mattered anymore, did it? No one mattered anymore. Shunichi dropped food off on his porch every day. His parents texted him relentlessly, and he replied telling them that everything was fine. But it wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. And it never would be again. Somehow, that made Eiji feel better. 

When you have nothing to lose, nothing hurts. 

And he’d already lost everything. 

He lost everything before he even got on that plane. 

He found out smoking weed took the edge off. His first joint that some stranger he brought back to his apartment helped him roll, made him lightheaded. He let his head fall back on his pillows and closed his eyes as his body began to relax for the first time in a long time. He laughed, wondering what took him so long. 

“I should have done this a long time ago.” He told the man.

“You know where I am if you need anything.” The stranger said, kissing his hair before he left. “Smells like strawberries.”

When he left, he practiced until he was able to roll a decent joint. It didn’t take long. It burned his throat at first and made him cough, but nothing compared to the feeling that came with it. Finally, for the first time in so long, his thoughts slowed down. He was able to think clearly, or not think at all. He chose the latter. Because nothing mattered anymore. 

Smoke filled the room, and Eiji fell into the first dreamless sleep he’d had in months. 

But soon, he was smoking an ounce a week. It didn’t matter, though. Because it turned out that after a few months, when Eiji’s hair started to grow, people took an interest in him. People wanted to take photographs of him. So he let them. Even if they were dirty photos. He didn’t care. He was sure nothing could compare to the pain he felt in New York. Nothing would hurt him more than that. And he was numb. So nothing, nothing mattered. 

Until night time. 

Until no matter how much he smoked, he’d lie in bed holding his head in his hands and cry, and cry, and cry, wondering what he could have done differently, wondering if he could have changed anything. What would have happened if he never went to the airport that day? What would have happened if…

_ No… _

So he got up and rolled another joint. And another. And another. Then he fucked the tobacco all together and started smoking blunts instead. They tasted better. He coughed a lot. Wondered if his lungs were being damaged. He hoped they were. 

But sometimes smoking didn’t work. Sometimes it made him panic even more than he was in the first place. Or it just made him sit and stare at the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks, wondering, wondering, wondering. 

Living in the past.    


Dead in the present.

Midnight was early for him.

He spent six months alone. Apart from drug dealers. Apart from people who would ask him over to take photos of himself in nothing but his underwear. And that was fine. His hair fell down to his shoulders. He got tattoos, got piercings, anything he could do to make himself feel normal.

He got high one day and went to a piercing studio with one of the guys he bought drugs from. 

And he got four tattoos in one day. 

“Don’t tell them it’s your first.” The man said. “Or they won’t do that many.” He kissed his hair. That became a habit for a lot of the men he met. They seemed to really like his hair. Eiji didn’t care. He felt nothing, anyway.

“Ok.”

First, he got tattoos on his collarbones. The word ‘loveless’ on one bone, and on the other ‘beloved’. 

It didn’t hurt because Eiji couldn’t feel anything anymore. The tattoo artist said he was brave. But Eiji didn’t care about that, either. He wasn’t brave in the slightest. 

Then he got a lynx tattooed on his arm. Covering almost half of it. “Why a lynx?” The man said. 

“None of your business.” Eiji replied. 

“Hah. You really are dead inside.” He poked him. “I like it.” 

“Do you, now?” 

Then, on the other arm he got a bunch of roses scattered across it, green leaves around them, and a ribbon through it reading ‘love just means death’. He liked that one. 

And then, a camera on his ribcage. So he’d never forget. 

He slept well that night. Turns out that many tattoos in one day were a lot. They took longer to heal than he thought. Probably because he’d lost so much weight. Probably because his diet comprised of coffee and cigarettes. But men said he looked pretty when they touched his ribs, when they ran their fingers over his hipbones. 

Once they’d healed, he discovered piercings. Perhaps he should have done them first, but he didn’t mind. He got his ears pierced. A few weeks later, his nipples. They didn’t hurt, either. And soon he wore long earrings that often got tangled in his hair. But he didn’t care. Men said they looked pretty too. 

“You look like a girl.” They’d say. “You’ll make me do something I shouldn’t.”

“And what’s that?” Eiji sighed. 

“My wife would never forgive me if she knew what I was thinking.” 

“Oh dear.”  _ I don’t care. _

People said piercings and tattoos were healing. But even as they healed, Eiji’s wounds remained open. 

Nothing worked. Until his parents had enough. Until Shunichi had enough. He’d made phone calls. 

“You’re tiny!” Shunichi shouted. 

“Am I?”  _ Hah. _

“They’re coming.” Shunichi said in an almost angry tone. He’d been patient with Eiji in the beginning, but he was broken too because he had to watch Eiji like that. 

But he didn’t care. Eiji didn’t care because he was a broken man and he was dead. 

“Who is?” He exhaled a plume of smoke from his doorstep. 

Shunichi stood at the bottom of the steps, holding a bag of food in his hand. “Don’t you even remember them?” 

He looked like he was about to cry. But Eiji’s expression was blank. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said. “And I’m not hungry.” So he shut the door behind him and went back inside. 

_ Fuck…  _

He wondered how long it would take for everyone to get there. 

_ Everyone…  _

As soon as the sun set, he sent a text to his dealer. 

_ I need something else.  _

He put his phone down and sat on his couch, staring at the ceiling while his lungs filled with smoke. 

_ Fucking dealers… If this was a proper job, they’d be fired within the first week.  _

**_PING_ **

_ Anything for you. I’ll be there soon.  _

Eiji almost smiled. 

That night he discovered what stimulants felt like for the first time. 

And for the first time in months, he smiled. 

_ Feels good. _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Your comments make my day! <3


	4. Even without you, I still feel dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I have a thing for the sick ones.

It was another thing that quickly became a habit. Or perhaps you could call it an addiction. But Eiji never would. Because he didn’t care enough to think deeply about it. All he knew was that taking bombs wrapped in a cigarette paper filled with ecstasy, or doing lines of his drug of choice that burned his nose made him… Made things…  _ I could almost say… Better.  _

It made him… Numb. Or he could process things. He could talk about things to these strangers he’d met along the way, and it helped. But the comedowns made it impossible to move for a few days. It hurt when he’d wake up. And he wasn’t being safe about it either. Mixing stimulants and depressants became common practice, and even those who sold him the drugs told him that. 

“I’d feel bad if something happened to you.” The man said. 

Eiji spat back. “I’m not making you sell me this, you know?” 

And he smiled. “I know, but how can I say no to that pretty face?” He said, twirling Eiji’s hair between his fingers. 

Eiji leaned forward and took another line with ease. “I don’t know, how could you?” 

_ How many days have I been awake now?  _

He checked his phone and noticed he had a text from Shunichi. He didn’t open it. Just saw the beginning. 

_ They will be here soon. Please make sure you eat…  _

He laughed and turned his phone over so it was face down, and melted into the man beside him. 

He could never cum when he was on stimulants, but he didn’t care. 

Feeling someone’s warmth made him numb. 

Made him forget. 

He could almost picture him… Pretend it was him… 

And then he’d leave as though nothing happened. 

“Here’s the money.” Eiji said, tossing an envelope on the motel bed when he dressed himself in a see through white button-down shirt and loose white pants that hung from his hips just right. 

But the man didn’t make an attempt to take it. 

Eiji grinned and snatched the envelope from the bed. “Fine then.” 

“You’re such a slut, you know that, don’t you?” The blonde man smiled when he handed him a large bag filled with discoloured crystals. 

“Come back when you think of a proper insult.” Eiji spat through a smile. 

“Oh, I don’t have to, because I know you’ll be back.” 

“Fuck off.” Eiji said, buttoning his shirt. 

And then he was gone. 

When he got home, he smoked a joint and took some diazepam. He sat by his window and watched the sun come up. 

_ Blanca…  _

And then there was a knock on the door. 

It was Sing. 

Eiji would have smiled if his jaw wasn’t aching so much. 

“Hello.” Eiji said. “How are you?” 

“Your pupils…” Sing said, pushing past him and into his apartment. 

It was a good job that Eiji kept all of his paraphernalia hidden. 

Sing cleaned his room while Eiji started to drift away on the couch. 

_ Sing... _

After that, Sing took over for Shunichi when it came to Eiji’s wellbeing. 

Eiji slept for three days. When he woke up, Sing handed him a plate of scrambled eggs, and Eiji almost vomited just looking at them. 

“I can’t eat.” Eiji said.  _ Fuck, my head.  _

And Sing just side, putting it down on the table next to his bed. 

_ Wait… I’m in bed?  _

“I had to carry you.” Sing said. “Light as a feather.”

Eiji ignored that comment and eyed him up and down. “You’ve grown.” He said. 

But Sing didn’t even smile. “And you’ve started to disappear.”

“Mm.” Eiji sighed. “You could at least lie to me.” 

“When have I ever lied to you?” Sing said. 

“I don’t remember.” Eiji sat forward and rolled a blunt. “Want one?” 

Sing hesitated. “Fine.” 

Eiji popped another diazepam and washed it down with water before sparking the blunt.  _ The best breakfast. _

“Eiji…” Sing bit the inside of his cheek. “I think you need to go to a doctor… You look really sick.” 

“Hah.” 

“Ibe said it was bad but… How much weight have you dropped?”

Eiji just sighed, looking down at himself, still in the same clothes. “Obviously not enough or I’d be dead.” 

“Eiji… He’s had to go to the doctor himself. You know he’s on anti-depressants now? He can’t… He can’t stand it.”

“Listen.” Eiji blew out a plume of smoke. “If you’re gonna try to save me, don’t bother.”

“But…”

“I’m being serious. If you try anything, I’ll kill you.” 

Sing took a step back. “Okay.” 

And that was that. Sing spent a lot of time with Eiji, but he never tried to stop him, apart from forcing him to go through the comedowns when he was there without mixing substances. 

Eiji would cry and plead until he gave in though, and he always did, in the end. 

So he didn’t have to see Eiji like that. 

But Eiji didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. 

* * *

  
It was late again, and Eiji couldn’t sleep. Because he was doing lines and listening to music. 

He took the lines with ease and sat back, listening to the music, letting his mind buzz. 

_ Why do all the monsters come out at night? _

_ Why do we sleep where we want to hide? _

_ Why do I run back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life? _

“Hah.” Eiji smiled when he felt the powder drip down his throat. He grabbed a piece of chewing gum and lit a cigarette. 

_ Tell me pretty lies, look me in my face. _

_ Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake. _

_ You can lead me on and leave these questions in my sheets. _

It disappeared into the background when he looked out over the city, his mind buzzing with thoughts, what ifs and possibilities. Sing was cute, wasn’t he? And his mind went to Blanca after that. 

He pulled out his phone and sent two texts saying the same thing to both of them. 

_ What are you doing tonight?  _

“Whoever replies first wins.” He smiled. 

He was dead inside. 

**PING**

_ Are you alright? I just landed.  _

It was Blanca. And Eiji smiled. 

_ Yes. Come over.  _

**PING**

_ I’ll be there soon.  _

Eiji shot up and looked at himself in the reflection of his phone when he heard a knock on the door. He made sure he had no powder around his nose, looked down at his clothes. He wore tight black leggings and a crop top that hung loosely over his frame, exposing his tattoos and ribcage. His hip bones. 

He answered the door. And there he was. He hadn’t changed a bit. 

Blanca gave him a weak smile. “You’re high.” 

But Eiji just smiled. “How are you not?”

“Hm.” Blanca reached out a hand and twisted a strand of Eiji’s hair around his fingers. “It’s gotten long.” 

“Longer than yours.” Eiji leaned into him. 

He knew Blanca wouldn’t question him, and he opened the door further so he could come inside. Their bodies brushed past each other’s, and Blanca immediately found his way to where Eiji had been sitting and taking lines a few moments prior. 

He sighed. “Such a problem child.” 

“Everyone’s been telling me that lately.” Eiji smiled when he leaned down and took another line. Blanca didn’t try to stop him. He just watched. 

“Nine stories?” Blanca said. 

“You just keep your eyes open for any bananafish.” Eiji smiled. 

And Blanca sighed. “You’re sick.” He sat back so he was shoulder to shoulder with Eiji, and Eiji tilted his head back again so he could get the drip. “Though I have to say, your eyes do look beautiful when they’re almost completely black.” 

Eiji laughed at that. 

The first few nights went the same. Eiji didn’t sleep, and neither did Blanca, even though he wasn’t taking anything and had just flown all the way there. 

“Your body…” Blanca said. 

And Eiji stood up and twirled around. “The gaunt look suits me, I think.” 

“Hah.” Blanca said. “Perhaps I just have a thing for the sick ones.” 

“Maybe.” Eiji plopped himself back down on the floor. “Sick fuck.”

Blanca smiled. “You could say that, yeah.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Your comments motivate and inspire me to keep going.


	5. The walls won't hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't make me get nasty.

Eiji smiled, Blanca being there with him did nothing to revive his dead heart. The difference between Blanca, Sing, and Shunichi was that when Eiji told the latter to fuck off, they would. But Blanca stayed. 

He hadn’t left his apartment since he’d gotten there. And no matter how much Eiji gave him evil glares or swore at him, he didn’t leave. He said he’d be staying for a long, long time. Eiji didn’t know what that meant. He hoped he’d be dead before then. 

The others were due to arrive soon, after sorting out their business in New York, and it made Eiji’s stomach sink just thinking about it. Blanca alone was enough. 

Eiji would disappear sometimes, but it was never long until he was wandering the streets and someone grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into an alleyway, pinning him against cold bricks. It felt nice. 

“You trying to get yourself hurt?” Blanca said. 

And Eiji smiled. “I don’t feel pain.” 

“Liar.” Blanca hissed into his ear. 

His fiery breaths made Eiji feel even colder.

“Let's go home.” Blanca breathed into his hair. 

Eiji pushed back against him, but his thin arms made no match for Blanca’s perfectly built frame. “I need to pick up.” 

Blanca just sighed. “I’ll sort it.” Then he let him go. “Go home.”

Eiji furrowed his brows. “I can’t tell if you’re lying to me or not.”

Blanca smiled. “We’ll save the withdrawals for another time.” 

Sing scolded Blanca. Shouted and screamed at him. Eiji overheard from the next room just as he was about to pass out for the first time in days. 

“You’re making him worse!” Sing roared. 

“No, I’m really not.” Blanca sounded as emotionless as ever. 

“You’re getting the fucking drugs for him! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” 

Eiji heard Blanca laugh. “How long do you have?”

“If you don’t stop, you can get the fuck out.” 

“Just trust me.” Blanca sighed. 

“Trust you?! You’re killing him!” 

“As were you? Except you were just watching.” 

It got quiet after that. 

* * *

He wasn’t sure how many days he’d been awake this time. 

His eyes were wide. 

Almost entirely obsidian.

His jaw ached. 

His body was glistening with sweat. 

Blanca’s white shirt hanging over his shoulder and a pair of his black boxers. 

He was doing it on purpose. Trying to do anything he could to fuck him off to the extent that he’d leave. But nothing was working.

Eiji flopped his head on his shoulder after taking another line and lit a cigarette. “Don’t you feel sorry for me?” He teased. He even put on a fake smile. 

“No.” Blanca said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He pulled him in close. Anyone else might have felt something. Eiji didn’t. “Like I said… I have a thing for broken boys.” 

And Eiji laughed. “Don’t you usually try to fix them?” 

“My speciality is turning them into killers.” Blanca said, and Eiji slapped his arm away. 

“Get out.” He wiped his nose and straightened his clothes. 

Blanca got to his feet. He was standing toe to toe with him within seconds. “No.” 

Eiji’s eyes widened. “Don’t make me get nasty.” 

“Black eyes suit you.” He said. He leaned forward and reached for a stray strand of Eiji’s hair, twirling it around his finger. “I didn’t know you were capable of getting nasty.” 

But Eiji didn’t move. Just looked him dead in the eyes. “I can be the nastiest person you ever fucking met.” He slipped his hands around Blanca’s waist. “Just try me.” 

And Blanca leaned closer. “Oh, so tempting.” He breathed into his ear. “But I’ll pass.” 

Then there was a gentle kiss on his cheek and he swore he felt some form of emotion, but he didn’t know what it was and he didn’t care to. “Good. Have a line with me instead.” 

_ He’ll say no.  _

“Okay.” Blanca smiled and sat back down where the book was lying. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hah.” Eiji got out his credit card. “Hope you can keep up, old man.” 

Blanca snatched the credit card from his hand. He eyed the book. Eiji could tell he was getting a feeling just from seeing the title. Thoughts running through his mind as well. 

_ Good.  _

He smirked. “Oh, feisty.” 

“Shut up. I’ll show you a good time.” Blanca hissed. 

Eiji hadn’t seen anyone rack up so quickly before. “Hm, perhaps it hasn’t been that long?” He teased. 

Blanca laughed. “Perhaps not. We all need to get through the day somehow, isn’t that right?” 

“I wouldn’t call it getting through the day.” Eiji took the book when he handed it to him. 

“Here.” Blanca said. “Bet you’ve never had a line so smooth.” 

“Hm.” He took it with ease. It didn’t burn. It felt good. He tilted his head back and waited for it to drip down his throat. “Disgusting.” He grinned. 

Things got blurry after that. Eiji felt incredibly hot, and his hands started to wander. Blanca didn’t stop him. 

They were intertwined, fingers interlocked, legs wrapped up together. Eiji’s head on his chest while they talked and talked and talked. 

It was days. 

He thought, anyway. 

Eiji’s hands on Blanca’s bare chest. 

Blanca’s grip on Eiji’s hips. 

Feelings coursing through his body. 

What was it called again… Pleasure? 

He didn’t know. But he was full. So full. And he was moaning and Blanca was kissing him, he was worshipping his broken body and his touches were so sincere; they felt that way, they felt real, but Eiji knew they weren’t and what day was it again because Sing would be there soon, wouldn't he? The thought soon slipped from his mind when Blanca stilled inside of him. 

“Hm.” He ground down onto him. “Will you leave soon?” 

But he didn’t get a response. Just a tongue in his mouth that tasted like strawberries and cigarettes. He didn’t care though. He didn’t care about anything. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He said. 

Eiji licked a trail up his neck. “For a dead boy.” 

“The most beautiful dead boy I’ve ever seen.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhhh idek where this is coming from but it's fun to write. More to come! Thanks for reading! Your comments make my day! <3


	6. You got me high so fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said something he actually meant.

The days blurred together with Blanca. Eiji could almost say it made him happy, but it didn’t. It just meant he didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to think about anything apart from Blanca’s hands tightly around his waist, or his thighs, or wrapped around his long black hair twice so he could pull him up, so his back was flush to Blanca’s chest while he fucked into him and held him there until it hurt.

It was rough. It was dirty. And Eiji never asked him to stop. Not once. 

He wasn’t sure how long it had been. Days, perhaps? Or weeks. Either way, he didn’t care. He didn’t care when they collapsed onto cum and sweat-stained sheets and fell into a dreamless sleep for days at a time until they woke up and did it all over again. Blanca would smile the smile of a killer. Eiji smiled because he was sure Blanca realised he had a hand in Eiji’s death, too. Because he  _ was _ dead. He’d been dead for a long time. He died the day he did. And he was just fine with that. 

It was easy at rock bottom. Easy having nothing to lose. Easy having no prospects and no future because who cared about that, anyway. And? All he cared about if you could even call it that, was the nicotine in his lungs, the powder on his book. And Blanca’s cock wasn’t too bad, either. It definitely filled him up and made the days go by faster. 

He’d whisper sweet words into his ear while he fucked into him, his hands exploring every inch of Eiji’s tiny body. He worshipped him. The sweet, broken boy who didn’t care about anything or anyone.

Eiji was sure Blanca didn’t care about him. And Eiji didn’t care about him, either. 

They were such sweet words, though. Music to his deafened ears. 

“Your waist is so tiny.” He’d growl.

“I can fit my hand around your thigh.”

“The dark circles suit you.”

“Such silky hair, I want to pull it more.”

He would moan in response. Blanca buried deep inside of him and making his stomach bulge. 

Eiji would hold his hands over his stomach so he could feel him, feel how deep he was. “You’re disgusting.” He’d say. 

“As are you.” Blanca would smile.

That was how it went. Until Blanca came out of the shower one night with nothing but a black towel around his waist. One thing Eiji couldn’t deny was that he was incredibly attractive. 

“Take a shower.” He ordered.

Eiji sparked a blunt. “No.” 

Then Blanca was towering over him. “Take a shower or we won’t play tonight.”

“Oh!” Eiji laughed. “You think you can threaten me with that?”

And Blanca strokes a stray strand of hair from his face, catching the smoke in his mouth when he pressed his lips against his. 

Before Eiji realised what he was doing, he was on his feet and heading to the bathroom. “I hate you.” He spat. And he meant it.

“Do you?” Blanca didn’t even turn around. 

When he got out of the shower, he felt no better. 

People often said having a bath or shower would make you feel better if you were depressed. Eiji found it to be the opposite and more often than not he’d just stand in the shower and let the water run over him until he got tired and got out. Blanca noticed. He came in at first and scolded him. When Eiji told him to fuck off, he started to wash him. But Eiji felt nothing. 

Nothing when he massaged shampoo and conditioner into his hair. 

Nothing when he cleansed his flesh. 

But he felt warm when Blanca’s body touched his. 

“Yut-Lung will be here tomorrow.” Blanca said while he was drying Eiji’s hair. Another thing he’d started doing. He didn’t know why, though. 

“Oh.” Was all Eiji said. 

He didn’t care.

Yut-Lung turned up the next day and smiled a fake smile at him. “Eiji.” He bowed his head. 

And Eiji put on his best fake smile when Blanca pushed him forward slightly. “Hello. It’s good to see you.”

“Blanca.” Yut-Lung said. 

“You’re looking well.” He said. 

When he came inside, Eiji could get a proper look at him. They looked very alike. Except Yut-Lungs hair was darker, and he’d filled out a little bit more. Not much, though. Eiji was thinner than him. He was still incredibly lean and beautiful beyond belief. He was sure then that Blanca had definitely fucked him at some point. The only thing that he differed with them was that Eiji’s hair was slightly shorter than his. 

“So, I’m third-wheeling or joining?”

“What?” Blanca raised an eyebrow. 

“Eiji hasn’t taken his eyes off me since I got here. Perhaps he’s not dead, after all.” He grinned wickedly before coming to stand next to him and running his hands through his hair. “Personally, I think you’re beautiful.” Then he eyed Blanca. “Just his type.” 

And Blanca licked his lips. 

“You’re quite pretty.” Eiji held out his hand and touched Yut-Lungs face. Him being there gave him energy, and he wasn’t even high. “I almost missed that face.”

“Wait… Say that again.” Blanca was beside him in seconds. 

Eiji let his hand drop to his side. “What? I just said he’s pretty?”

“That’s the first pleasant thing you’ve said in weeks.”

And Eiji beamed at him. “Oh! I must be cured!” 

“Don’t be a fucking wind up.” And then Blanca kissed his cheek. His lips were cold. It almost felt nice. 

“You started it.” Eiji spat.

“Now, now,” Yut-Lung said. “I’ve been sober for days. Can we deal with that?”

“Of course.” Blanca and Eiji said in unison. 

They became a dangerous trio very quickly. 

Poisonous.

Toxic.

Wicked and horrible. 

And Eiji found himself feeling things for the first time other than emptiness and arousal. 

It took a few weeks, maybe even longer. But he didn’t mind being around them. 

It was strange. He hadn’t gotten along with Yut-Lung in the past. Then again, he hated Blanca, too. But they were tolerable. 

He didn’t know why. 

Perhaps because in Tokyo, he was the same as them. 

Of course, it didn’t take long until Yut-Lung was doing lines with them and smoking and lying around the house and he wasn’t sure when it happened, but Eiji was buried inside of him and he was moaning and he looked… pretty. He looked pretty. Blanca was behind him… And he’d never felt so full. 

For the first time in a long while, he said something he actually meant. 

“Feels good.” He breathed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Your comments and kudos make my day and encourage me to keep doing what I love. <3


	7. Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji opened his eyes.

* * *

With the epic highs, came even stronger comedowns. Eiji spent days awake in bed with Blanca and Yut-Lung. He didn’t know why. He remembered a time when he despised them. Yet there they were. All of them worshipping each other. Hands wandering. Tongues gliding along bare flesh like they were lapping up their first drink in days. Taking lines off of each other’s backs, thighs, everywhere else they could do it. They didn’t care about waste. Yut-Lung would lick the remanence from them both, and Eiji would shiver at the sensation of his beautifully crafted tongue trailing down his prominent spine. Music would play in the background while they wasted their lives away in the best way possible. Eiji never questioned why they stayed. Never wondered why they were letting him do what he did. But perhaps it was because they were dead, just like he was. 

He could have got some comfort from that if he’d thought about it. But Eiji didn’t enjoy thinking. Not anymore. 

And afterwards? Afterwards, Eiji would scream and tell them to fuck off, to get out and not come back, but then he was throwing up and Blanca was holding his hair while Yut-Lung got him water he thought it wasn’t so bad, was it? It wasn’t bad when Blanca carried him to bed and kissed his cheek and told him he loved him. 

He told him he loved him when he was buried deep inside of him one day, or one night, Eiji wasn’t sure. The curtains were closed. Yut-Lung was showering, but Eiji was sure, sure he’d told him the same thing. Because he was broken, too. And Blanca was a sick, sick man. 

“I love you.” He fucked into him so brutally Eiji could hardly catch the breath that escaped his lungs. 

Eiji grabbed Blanca by the hair and yanked him down, forcing his cock even deeper inside of him. “I hate you.” He spat. 

And oh, how Blanca laughed that night. 

Yut-Lung would often whisper sweet things to him. Especially when they were sitting on the couch and racking up. He’d rest his head on Eiji’s shoulder and whisper into his ear. 

“You’re so pretty.” He kissed his ear. 

Another kiss, but on his neck. “How I adore you.”

“My sweet little prince.” One last kiss on his lips before he leaned forward and took the banknote. 

He weighed himself again. And he’d smile. More gone. More of him dead. He was happy about that. And Blanca would smile. “Such a broken boy.” He’d say when he’d kiss his hair and wipe the tears from his face. 

And Eiji would spit back. “This is what you want, isn’t it?” 

Then Blanca would kiss his mouth and Yut-Lung would caress his skin. They were a wicked trio. Strong enough to kill. Or die. Or both. Eiji wasn’t sure. But what he was sure about was that when he was awake, when he was high with them, when Blanca was buried inside him. When he would switch with Yut-Lung. When someone’s mouth was around his cock and hands were around his throat, he didn’t care. And he’d tell them things he hadn’t said for a long time. 

“Feels so good.”

“Please don’t stop.”

“I never want this to end.”

And it was true. All of it was. 

Yut-Lung and Blanca talked a lot. But Eiji wasn’t one for conversation. He’d leave and let them do whatever they wanted. He didn’t care about his apartment or who was in it. They wanted Eiji to eat more. He couldn’t think of anything worse. 

“I have an idea for you.” Yut-Lung stroked the hair from his face. “So long and pretty.” He said, lost in him for a moment. Eiji kissed his mouth. “What is it? I’m tired.” 

“You’re tired because you’re not eating.” He took his hand in his and intertwined his fingers with Eiji’s. Fingers just as slender as his. 

Eiji sighed. “We’ve been over this. Coffee and cigarettes.”

“I got you some shakes.”

“Shakes?” Eiji could feel himself getting annoyed. He didn’t want to be saved. And it was already far too late. 

“Yeah. They won’t make you gain weight, don’t worry. But they’ll give you nutrients.” 

“I don’t want to.” Was all he said. 

“I know. But if you do, I promise I’ll make it worth it.” 

Yut-Lung kissed him, but Eiji turned over to face Blanca and scowled at him. “I want to go to sleep.” He said. 

Blanca ignored him and went to the kitchen. 

When he returned, he was holding a sports bottle filled with white liquid. “Drink it.”

Eiji closed his eyes. “No.” 

“Eiji…” Yut-Lung nuzzled into him. “Please. It’s just milk and some nutrient powder. We can’t keep playing if you collapse.”

Then Eiji opened his eyes. “You’re right.”

He struggled. He didn’t want to drink it. He made Blanca promise it wasn’t full fat milk. But he wasn’t sure. It tasted so good. Vanilla. But he didn’t want it. He hated it. It made him want to be sick and his stomach was going crazy. 

Blanca got back into bed next to him when Eiji started crying. He had one of them on either side of him, both pulling up the duvet to cover him. “It’s okay.” Yut-Lung kissed his hair. “It’ll be okay. Just go to sleep.”

“Trace the lines of my tattoos.” He sniffled. 

Blanca pulled him closer. “Whisper that you love me, too.” 

“Hah. I didn’t think you’d know that song.” Eiji closed his eyes once more. “But I don’t love anyone.” And he felt Blanca and Yut-Lungs hands trace each of his tattoos until he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up the next morning. Actually, he was unsure if it was the next morning. It was a Monday. He thought he went to sleep on Saturday. But he wasn’t positive on that. He opened his eyes to a banging on the door and Yut-Lung groaning next to him in his sleep. He wasn’t a morning person, either. 

Then there was shouting and someone burst into the room. Eiji opened his eyes. 

But before his vision had adjusted, Blanca was standing in the doorway with someone else. 

They spun around and punched Blanca in the face. 

“Max.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Your comments and kudos make my day and encourage me and motivate me to keep going! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Your comments make my day!  
> Eiji by an incredible artist who would rather remain anonymous.


End file.
